Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
