If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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