Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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