Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
