We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
