I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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