if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
