The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
This toilet bowl is my home.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
