Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
