this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
