i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
