my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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