Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
