They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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