What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
