remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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