It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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