We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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