Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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