i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
is it fun? or sober?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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