sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
