I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
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