i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
