i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
