I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
