If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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