I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
