You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Randomize
