well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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