butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
