make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
