Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
