The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
