He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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