I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
