You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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