My sheets look like a crime scene.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
