WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
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so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
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I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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