He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
