i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
