Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
This house was built for laser tag.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
