Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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