i permit you to call me
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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