Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize