DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
