Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Banned from zoo.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
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Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
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Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover