I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
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