Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo

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(413): i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo http://tfl.nu/a19q

Replies (40) Good night (1076) Bad night (4098)
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(513): View more from Ohio

why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...

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(513): why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway... http://tfl.nu/r09c

Replies (12) Good night (900) Bad night (4339)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup

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(724): he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup http://tfl.nu/zlwx

Replies (19) Good night (8107) Bad night (787)
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(301): View more from Maryland

I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy

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(301): I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy http://tfl.nu/508u

Replies (16) Good night (4000) Bad night (927)
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(636): View more from Missouri

Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?

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(636): Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later? http://tfl.nu/o4ww

Replies (19) Good night (1321) Bad night (4760)
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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.

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(267): he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice. http://tfl.nu/aht5

Replies (14) Good night (5266) Bad night (1077)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.

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(+44): The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself. http://tfl.nu/y3oz

Replies (4) Good night (946) Bad night (2162)
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(605): View more from South Dakota

I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.

(307): View more from Wyoming

I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...

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(605): I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling. (307): I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name... http://tfl.nu/8rf6

Replies (3) Good night (1902) Bad night (669)
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(937): View more from Ohio

so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.

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(937): so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency. http://tfl.nu/1ixd

Replies (3) Good night (2061) Bad night (595)
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(647): View more from Ontario

Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"

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(647): Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?" http://tfl.nu/c4jm

Replies (2) Good night (474) Bad night (1014)
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(706): View more from Georgia

Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?

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(706): Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit? http://tfl.nu/7qwr

Replies (6) Good night (1327) Bad night (440)
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(937): View more from Ohio

I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.

(1-937): View more from Ohio

Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them

(937): View more from Ohio

Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.

(1-937): View more from Ohio

Sounds legit to me.

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(937): I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops. (1-937): Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them (937): Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them. (1-937): Sounds legit to me. http://tfl.nu/dn4f

Replies (3) Good night (719) Bad night (386)
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(423): View more from Tennessee

I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.

(423): View more from Tennessee

I will have no part of this.

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(423): I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down. (423): I will have no part of this. http://tfl.nu/im0o

Replies (3) Good night (442) Bad night (887)
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(773): View more from Illinois

I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night

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(773): I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night http://tfl.nu/rjdu

Replies (1) Good night (502) Bad night (260)
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(804): View more from Virginia

what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?

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(804): what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples? http://tfl.nu/z2p1

Replies (3) Good night (391) Bad night (90)

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