I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
