omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
