Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
