i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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