she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
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