I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
