Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
His nipple licking is glorious
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