walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
