If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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