i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize