so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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