even my farts smell like vagina
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
