there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
