She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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