I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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