Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i just had sex bonerless
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
