Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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