Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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