i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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