that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
