Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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