were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
