Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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