you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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