my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
