Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
