It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
