Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
